piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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