Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
