Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
