When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
