I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
