he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
