I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
