I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize