if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
