So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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