all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
