he looks like a really good dad on facebook
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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