He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
