coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
God, I missed his penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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