My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
