she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
