tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
