College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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