Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
