literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
