she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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