i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
