Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
