i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
