Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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