you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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