...so i touched it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
