It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
