hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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