It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
