You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I stole a fireplace last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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