the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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