You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
