True but thats because hes a fetus.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
