are you still at the devil's house?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she told me i tasted like america
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
