I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
