I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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