I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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