Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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