just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
