The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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