those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
