And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
