true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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