i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
