when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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