the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is Oprah even human
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
