I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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