I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
