i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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